The Marriage Piece

Some of us are looking for the “right” relationship. The perfect match. The person who checks all the boxes. This person who, by all logic and reason, should be The One. Perfect Marriage Material.

Some of us also strive to be that perfect match for someone else. We have careers, interests, physical health, and our financial house is in order. We see our therapists to hash out any resentments and iron out any childhood issues.

So, when we find someone that is “perfect”, why is it not enough?

One of my friends said of one of my “perfect” relationships, “He’s like a corner piece in a puzzle. Easy. You're more complex than that. You need a piece that fits you.”

I saw this situation with someone close to me. He was dating the “perfect” woman. She was beautiful, funny, and would have made the perfect wife and mother. He left her and married someone else we felt was not as pretty or interesting. She is what he wanted. And friends and family supported his decision.

We may often see a friend who is with someone who is “perfect”. Then, for apparently no reasonable explanation, they break it off. They will make flimsy excuses as to why – they were a sloppy eater, they leave their shoes out, the cousin/friend/mother is annoying. What happened?

What was lacking was a connection. Some of us call it love. And there is a reason why that connection happens. It is because a connection can only be made when the emotional pieces fit.

The connection is real. What may seem entirely unreasonable and illogical to others makes sense to us. Because we are the only ones who can sense the connection. We can make a list of what we want in a relationship and ask friends and family to approve of our choices. But we are the only ones who know when it’s a right fit, when there is a connection. And when it is real.

Let’s face it. As perfect as we try to be, we are anything but. We have a unique set of personality traits that are compatible. In the end, what we want is someone as warped and twisted and broken as we are. As loving and kind and passionate as we know we can be. Because two become one, the perfect pieces in a puzzle that connect. And that is what marriage is.